The Hollywood Walk of Fame is one of L.A.’s most instantly recognizable attractions. Every year tens of thousands of wannabes flock like geese to the world’s entertainment capital, with visions of stardom dancing in their eyes. And when they arrive, one of the very first places they go is to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It is as embedded into the mythology of Tinseltown as it is into the concrete sidewalk on the Hollywood Boulevard.
Here are some interesting facts about the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
It’s over a mile long.
There are 2,538 stars.
The first “permanent” star was dedicated to director Stanley Kramer in 1960.
Gene Autry has five stars! Bob Hope, Mickey Rooney, Roy Rogers, and Tony Martin have four. Thirty-three celebrities have three stars (the most famous are Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Dinah Shore, and Jack Benny). Michael Jackson has an individual star and another star for The Jackson Five. Diana Ross has an individual star and another star for The Supremes. Smokey Robinson has an individual star and another one for The Miracles. John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and George Harrison all have individual stars and a collective star for The Beatles.
The Barrymore family have a combined seven stars: John, Lionel (who has two), Ethel, Sidney Drew, John Drew, and of course, Drew.
In order to get a star, a sponsor has to apply for you. You have to have at least five years in the entertainment industry, and you have to be recognized and respected in your field. And also, you have to have money. A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame will set you back a cool $25,000. There’s a committee who comes together every year, and out of the 150 or so applicants who apply, a total of about 20 are chosen.
Last year’s 20 included these famous people: Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Lange, Liam Neeson, Sally Field, Phil Hartman, Rick Springfield, Orlando Bloom, and Tupac Shakur.
What does it mean to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Well, it mostly means you’ll have your name etched into a slab of concrete in a part of Hollywood that is a real shithole. And it also means there’s a 75% chance that an unsuspecting tourist is going to get mugged right on top of your star.
But you know what would be even more fascinating than the Hollywood Walk of Fame? The Hollywood Walk of Shame! How cool would that be? I would put it right across the street from the Walk of Fame, like in front of some porn shop. And it would feature all the celebrities, athletes, and politicians who have found themselves involved in some sort of salacious scandal. And we could make it so that if a scandal-plagued celebrity redeemed him or herself, then their star would be removed (like Robert Downey Jr. or Rob Lowe).
And every time there was a new star to be added, TMZ would stream the ceremony live on their website.
Every time there’s a new scandal, the public could raise money to have that celebrity get a star on the Walk of Shame. We could raise the money on Kickstarter. And all the proceeds could go to the charities of the people they offended. For example, Orson Scott Card is the author of Ender’s Game, the popular science fiction novel that was also released as a feature film starring Harrison Ford (it was a big flop). Orson Scott Card is a gay-hating-bigot who has come under fire for his awful comments regarding same-sex marriage. He is a perfect candidate for the Hollywood Walk of Shame and the money raised would go directly to charities that are pro-LGBT.
So, what if there was a Hollywood Walk of Shame? Who would be the inaugural recipients of a star?
I came up with a list of my own. Here they are in alphabetical order.
Lance Armstrong – He’s an egomaniac who cheated his way into the record books with an unprecedented seven Tour de France titles. He equated his own athletic success with surviving cancer, and by doing this, he deliberately blurred the line between the man (liar, cheater), and the cause (inspiring cancer survivors).
He also left his wife, who stood by him during his battle with cancer, for Sheryl Crow. The move had the “I’m famous now, I can do better" feel to it. And after he broke it off with Crow three months into their engagement, he ended up dating Ashley Olsen which was odd because Mary-Kate is so much cuter.
Hey, this reminds me. On the day when Lance Armstrong was finally outed as a cheater, I posted this to my twitter account.
“After lying, cheating, and finally coming clean about it, Lance Armstrong is now qualified to run for Congress."
Alec Baldwin – He’s one of our finest actors, someone who is just as good in a drama as he is in a comedy (Jack Donaghey is in the pantheon of all-time great TV chararcters). But man, this guy has a temper that is shorter than Peter Dinklage!
Here’s a timeline:
April 2007 – An angry voicemail that Baldwin leaves his 11-year-old daughter goes public. The call comes in the midst of a heated custody dispute between him and ex-wife Kim Bassinger. On the voicemail, Baldwin calls his daughter “a rude, thoughtless little pig who doesn’t have the brains or the decency as a human being.”
December 2011 – Baldwin erupts like a volcano and is kicked off an American Airlines flight for refusing to turn off his cell phone after the plane’s doors were closed for departure. The reason? He was knee deep in a game of Words With Friends.
April 2012 – He tweets a picture of a photographer for the New York Daily News with a caption that called her "a nutty bitch.”
May 23, 2012 – Tells everyone at a party at the Cannes Film Festival that uber-producer Harvey Weinstein is “a fucking douchebag.”
June 19, 2012 – Punches a photographer for the New York Daily News.
June 27, 2013 – Goes ballistic on twitter after a reporter from the Daily Mail said that his wife was tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral. He called the writer, George Stark, “fucking trash,” “a little bitch,” and “a toxic queen.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, he said “I’d put my foot up your fucking ass, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”
Hey, here's a fun fact I bet you didn't know: When The Incredible Hulk gets really angry, he turns into Alec Baldwin!
Justin Bieber - This one is obvious. Buzzfeed compiled an exhaustive list of all the weird shit Bieber has done over the last couple of years. Here's a few of my favorites ...
1. He twice wore a gas mask out in public.
2. He bought a pet monkey, which was taken from him the very next day by German customs agents because you can't get on a plane with a monkey.
3. He visited Anne Frank's house and in the guestbook wrote, "Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber."
4. He peed in a restaurant mop bucket, and then started shouting "Fuck Bill Clinton."
5. He spit off a hotel balcony and his spit landed on some of his fans.
6. He reportedly egged a neighbor's house causing over $20,000 in damage.
7. He was arrested for drag racing in Miami. Police charged him with driving under the influence, resisting arrest, and driving with a suspended license.
8. A video was released of him making a racist joke against black people.
So yeah, he's a brat who's about as likable as Joffrey Baratheon on Game of Thrones. In fact, he's so unlikable that 200,000 Americans signed a White House petitition to have him deported back to Canada.
The White House's response?
Robert Blake – On April 18, 2002 the star of Baretta was charged with the murder of his wife, Bonnie Lee Blakely. Everything Blake did on the night of his wife’s murder was suspicious. Instead of accepting the valet service offered by the restaurant, he instead chose to park on a side street. After dinner, he walked his wife back to the car, and ran back into the restaurant because he left his gun. His wife's murder happened after he went back into the restaurant. But employees said they didn't find any gun that Blake left behind. And, they said he only returned to the restaurant after his wife had been shot, not before. He refused to take a polygraph test because, and this is a direct quote, "I had had dreams of killing my wife and I was afraid I might fail the test." He only married the woman because he got her pregnant. He didn't love her at all. He was acquitted, but then again, so was OJ!
Bobby Brown – Drug abuse, spousal abuse, erratic behavior, fights with his New Edition group members, bar fights, jail sentences, and my personal favorite – urinating in the back of a squad car. When Bobby Brown says “It’s my prerogative”, he means it goddamnit!
Chris Brown – Why is Chris Breezy America’s most hated pop star?
Glad you asked.
He viciously beat his then girlfriend Rihanna.
He made a Youtube video threatening to beat up Raz B of the R&B group B2K.
He threw a chair through a glass window at ABC Studios after Robin Roberts asked him about Rihanna on Good Morning America.
His entourage got into a fight in a New York City nightclub with the entourage of the rapper Drake.
He went on a crude and misogynistic tirade on twitter against comedian Jenny Johnson.
He got into a fight outside a studio with R&B star Frank Ocean.
To his legion of female fans, many of whom went on twitter and tweeted "I would let Chris Brown beat me up anytime", go read the graphic police report the LAPD filed after he viciously assaulted Rihanna. If after reading it you still think Chris Brown is all that and a bag chips, do us all a favor and go jump off a bridge.
Gary Busey – He’s batshit crazy, but there’s a legitimate reason why. He has trouble censoring his thoughts ever since his brain was rewired following a near-fatal bike crash in 1989. In an interview with BlogTalkRadio.com he said, "I don't know what I'm saying because that's the way I've been working in my mind and my communications area since I hit my head on a curb off a Harley Davidson and split my skull wide open."
After his brush with death, Busey had a vision of the afterlife. He explained it like this. "I got information that you can't get just staying here on Earth. I could tell you more but it's like explaining an orgasm to a 10-year-old."
Amanda Bynes – Let's see. She retired from acting, un-retired, and retired again. She was arrested for a DUI. Four days later she was involved in a hit-and-run. Four monts after that she was involved in ANOTHER hit-and-run. Her agent, publicist, and lawyer all quit because of her erratic behavior. She went on Twitter and said she wanted Drake to "murder my vagina." She lashed out at Rihanna on Twitter saying "Chris Brown beat you cause you're not pretty enough." And she threw her bong from the 37th floor of her apartment window when the police showed up to arrest her.
I think Courtney Love speaks for all of us when she said on twitter, "@AmandaBynes pull it together dude."
The two Coreys (Corey Haim and Corey Feldman) – These two teen idols achieved mainstream fame during their heyday in the 80s, but they both experienced a very public downfall because of their drug addictions. Their career together ended when Haim died in 2010. Further proof why child stardom is a very slippery slope.
Bill Cosby - I will forever be indebted to the comedian who brought down the House of Cosby. Nothing makes me happier to know that Hannibal Buress called out this "pull up your pants", respectability politics, pudding pop rapist as the piece of slime that he is.
Cosby is living proof that rapists want rape, not sex. When all these incidents occurred, he could easily have gotten willing sex partners. He was personable, wealthy, reasonably attractive, famous - with just a little effort on his part, I suspect he could have had a different willing girlfriend every month, if not more often. But that's not what got his motor running. He liked having power over a woman without her consent.
You wanna know what's interesting? Many people are so sure that these 20 + women are lying, yet not a single one of Bill Cosby's many lawyers have tried to sue any of the women for defamation. You'd think they do that if they knew for sure that Cosby didn't rape them, right?
I recently had a conversation with four of my male coworkers about the "The Cos." While one of the guys was very uncomfortable with taking the side of a man who has been accused of raping over 20 women, the other three were definitely on Team Cosby because 'BITCHES BE LYING!"
UGH! I wanted to strangle them.
Paula Deen – A 68 year old white woman from the South who uses the n-word? Not the least bit surprised.
And black people weren’t even that upset with Paula Deen. We were too busy laughing. She’s a cartoon character. She has a brother whose legal name, not nickname, but legal name is Bubba! She said she has two vices, “cigarettes and taters.” And she said she wants to create a deodorizer that “smells like bacon and onions.”
I mean C’MON! That’s funny as hell.
When this scandal first broke, I immediately went on twitter and said, “I can’t wait for Paula Deen’s new line of margarine called I Can’t Be Believe It’s Not Nigger.”
John Edwards – He impregnated his videographer Rielle Hunter while his wife Elizabeth was back home dying from cancer. This makes him a terrible human being. Glad he’s not president. Which reminds me, when he was running for president, John Edwards famously said “the problem we have in this country is that there are two Americas.”
And he should know because he was banging his mistress in both of them!
Heidi Fleiss – She deserves a star just for being "The Hollywood Madam." And recently, she found herself in trouble when police in Nevada busted her for possession of marijuana. Police became suspicious after neighbors called and complained that Fleiss’ house smelled like Doritos.
The shocking part of this story is not that she was arrested for pot, but that the police found her in possession of 392 marijuana plants.
HOLY SHIT! Who does she think she is? Nancy Botwin?
Mel Gibson – Let’s see, where do we start? Do we start with him telling his then-girlfriend/babymama Oksana Grigorieva that he hopes she “gets raped by a pack of niggers?”
Do we start with him, while being arrested for a DUI back in 2006, complaining that the “fucking Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world?”
Do we start with him calling the arresting officer “sugar tits?”
Do we start with him allegedly telling screenwriter Joe Eszterhas the Holocaust was “mostly a lot of horseshit?”
Mel Gibson does indeed have a Lethal Weapon. And that Lethal Weapon is his sexist and extremely racist mouth!
Tonya Harding – It's been 20 years since 'The Whack Heard Round The World', also known as the most bizarre sports scandal ever. The greasy husband of figure skater Tonya Harding, and a couple of other losers conspired to physically assault Harding's rival Nancy Kerrigan before a Winter Olympics qualifying event in Detroit. Television cameras found Kerrigan, immediately after the attack, on the floor in a hallway holding her knee while crying, "WHY? WHY? WHY?"
(Hey, here's a stupid joke from 1994. "If Nancy Kerrigan was a Native American, her name would be Wounded Knee.")
It’s easy to forget because it happened so long ago, but this was a HUGE media story. The storyline was so juicy. It was The All-American Princess (Kerrigan) vs. The Trailer Park Trash (Harding). Kerrigan made it to the Olympics anyway and with the whole world watching, she was terrific. Too bad she completely robbed of a gold medal.
Harding on the other hand, suffering from the stress of a police investigation, and intense media scrutiny had a complete meltdown at the Olympics.
She didn't go to jail, and to this day she maintains her innocence. But nobody, and I mean absolutely NOBODY believes that she wasn't involved in that attack.
Since 1994, Tonya Harding has lived a very colorful life.
She was one of the first celebrities to be featured in a sex tape. She knocked out Bill Clinton’s former mistress Paula Jones on the Fox show Celebrity Boxing. And she has had numerous run-ins with the police.
Paris Hilton - This heiress/socialite/public nuisance earned her wealth the old-fashioned way, she inherited it! And she has earned her fame the American way, through good old-fashioned “fortitude.” And by “fortitude”, I mean “sex tape.”
Whitney Houston – She began her career as a strikingly attractive songstress with a voice so beautiful, and so goosebump-inducing that it made grown men cry. And her life came to a tragic end face down in a bathtub. The crazy thing is that for years we all assumed that her husband Bobby Brown was to blame for Whitney’s downward spiral into darkness. Eventually we learned the ugly truth. The reason Whitney Houston fell apart was because of Whitney Houston.
Michael Jackson – His ardent defenders live in this weird bubble. They don’t believe he’s guilty of anything. They think he was just a kind soul who befriended people who took advantage of him.
Child please! If you believe that then you also believe in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and The Tooth Fairy. And if he really didn’t do anything, if he really is innocent, then you still have to admit that there is something extremely creepy about a grown ass man sharing his bed with teenage boys.
I know he’s dead now, and some people don’t like to talk ill of the dead, but for me, while I will always love his music, I walked away from him as a fan many, many years ago. Too much plastic surgery, too many sleepovers with young boys, too much bizarre behavior. I had had enough!
Kim Kardashian – The only reason this woman is famous is because she made a sex tape with Brandy’s little brother. SHE’S FAMOUS BECAUSE OF A SEX TAPE! And she has a baby by an equally loathsome human being, Kanye West, a baby that they decided to name North … West.
What kind of fucked-up name is that?
And every time I hear someone say that same-sex marriage is destroying the sanctity of marriage, I lose my temper like Alec Baldwin.
“EXCUSE ME, BUT GAY PEOPLE AREN’T DESTROYING THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE! YOU WANNA WHO IS? KIM KARDASHIAN, WHO EARNED $17 MILLION DOLLARS FOR HER BULLSHIT 72-DAY MARRIAGE TO KRIS HUMPHRIES!"
Women who carry children in bags should be deported.
It’s pretty obvious that I don’t like this woman. And the fact that there are apparently millions of delusional women who look up to her is a sad commentary on the state of America.
I have nothing further to add. Instead, I’m going to pass the mic over to actor Jon Hamm, who in an interview two years ago said this - "Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly."
R. Kelly – I know R. Kelly was acquitted of having sex with that underage girl (and for urinating on her), but everybody pretty much accepts the fact that he was guilty as sin (there was an incriminating video after all), and that he avoided jail time by paying off that girl's family.
And it's not just that one girl. There were, allegedly, many young girls who fell under R. Kelly's spell. One of them was his protege Aaliyah whom he married 20 years ago when he was 26 and she was 15.
I used to be a big fan of this guy. I bought all his albums. I knew all the words to his songs. Now, I can't even stand to listen to his music.
He's dead to me.
Lindsay Lohan – We should have seen this coming. When she first became a star (after the release of Mean Girls), we found out through the gossip rags that her family was more batshit crazy than 50 Gary Buseys. Her dad was constantly getting arrested. Her mom was living her life vicariously through her famous daughter. Bad parenting plus fame and fortune is a recipe for disaster.
She has spent the last seven years in and out nightclubs, and in and out of jail. Stephen Rodrick wrote a wildly entertaining piece for the New York Times about the behind the scenes drama surrounding The Canyons, a low-budget movie that was supposed to be a comeback vehicle for Lohan. At one point in the story, Lohan, who was unaware that her mic was on, said this ...
“I got one assistant passed out at my house, and the other one in the Palisades saying he wants to hang himself … Life’s great.”
Courtney Love – It was Rick James who infamously said that “cocaine is a hell of a drug.” But so is LSD. And heroin. Courtney Love has been on all three (and God knows what else). Her behavior over the past two decades has been astonishing in its manic craziness.
What was her most bizarre moment? Was it when she drunkenly crashed Kurt Loder’s post-VMAs interview with Madonna? Was it when she attacked Vanity Fair journalist Lynn Hirschberg with Quentin Tarentino’s Oscar? Was it when she invited music journalists to interview her while getting a bikini wax? (And yes, this actually happened. She ended the interview by pouring champagne on her head and running naked down the street.) Or was it when she set her apartment on fire to get out of paying her landlord the $54,000 she owed in back rent?
Nick Nolte – Nolte earns his spot on the Hollywood Walk of Shame for one reason and one reason only …
Tatum and Ryan O’Neal – Love Story made him a star in 1970. She became an unexpected star at the tender age of 10 after winning an Academy Award for her role in Paper Moon. Their personal demons are well-known. The public gave up on Ryan and his daughter Tatum years ago. The reason she's a hot mess is because of her dad. I blame him. He is, without a doubt, the worst father in Hollywood history. I'm not kidding. Read this Vanity Fair article and it will blow your mind. He has four kids and they all hate him (and he doesn't care for them either). But it was the story that came out, the story that said that Ryan had mistakenly tried to hit on Tatum, his own fucking daughter, at Farrah Fawcett's funeral, that seals the deal. Ryan O'Neal is the worst.
Roman Polanski – I don’t give a goddamn how talented he is, and how respected he is, he should be doing time for his heinous crime. Back in 1977 this guy supplied a 13-year-old with drugs and champagne, and then he had sex with her. And when he was tipped off that he was going to be sent to prison, he fled the country and never came back.
To this day, I have never watched any of his movies and I never will. And if I ever run into him on the street (I know, I know: highly unlikely), I would gladly push him into oncoming traffic.
Charlie Sheen – This guy is a lot of things: an anti-semite, a raging narcissist, a drug addict, and a guy who has probably spent more money on hookers than anybody in Hollywood history.
In 2011 he went off the deep end and publicly feuded with Chuck Lorre, the creator of his hit CBS sitcom Two and A Half Men. During that epic feud (which ended with CBS firing him), he went on TV numerous times and dropped a bunch of amazing quotes. Here are a just a few.
“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
"I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ "It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps."
"I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
"If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently."
"I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA."
"C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm."
O.J. Simpson – He killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. And he got away with it because the prosecution was incompetent and because Johnnie Cochran was pitching 95 mile-per-hour fastballs. End of story.
Donald Trump – He’s a narcissist, a racist, a sexist, and every other offensive word that ends in “ist." He was never serious about running for president. He just loves the attention.
I have nothing further to add. But I will leave you with a few of my favorite Donald Trump jokes.
"Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won 'Apprentice.' Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands." —Conan O'Brien
"If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." –Jimmy Kimmel
"On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka." –Conan O'Brien
Anthony Weiner – A politician caught in two sex scandals and neither one of them involves actual sex? That’s gotta be a first. My favorite part of the two scandals was the alias that Weiner used while sexting a 22-year-old woman from Texas, "Carlos Danger".
In a related story, "Carlos Danger" is also the name of the Republicans new immigration policy.
Tiger Woods – We all liked the guy until he cheated on his wife with about 5,000 different women. The ladies who came forth and said they had sex with Cheetah Woods was an embarrassing assortment of porn stars, failed models, and IHOP waitresses.
I'm convinced his now ex-wife Elin Nordegren took a secret trip to Haiti and came back with a Tiger Woods voodoo doll. This scandal happened five years ago and he has lost his mojo on the golf course. He went from being the most intimidating golfer on the planet, to being just ... average.
The media had a field day speculating if Elin physically attacked him once she found out he was creeping. I bet she did. She's Swedish and Swedish women are not to be trifled with.
Here's a thought. When it comes time for Tiger Woods to be given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Shame, I say, let's also put a statue right beside his star. The statue would be of Elin Nordegren putting her foot right up Tiger's ass!
There were many many famous people I decided not to include for this topic (i.e. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Donald Sterling, Wesley Snipes, every single one of those Real Housewives of Atlanta). I just didn't want this piece to drag.
But don't worry. As more and more celebrities do dumb shit, I'll be right there, eagerly awaiting to induct them into the Hollywood Walk of Shame!